Why South Asian Heritage Month is important to me
By the time I had got to secondary school, the majority of racist violence and abuse had reduced. I was in the top band of an ex grammar girls’ school and was one of only three from my primary school; the other two being a Bangladeshi and an Indian girl. Our primary school teacher had fought to get us a place — the schools in our local area, Sparkbrook (Birmingham), an area not dissimilar to Green St area in Newham, were not very good.
I went from a school that was almost completely full of Asian children to a large school where the majority of the top band were white and became more ‘diverse’ as you moved down to ‘lower bands’ including girls with learning disabilities. My class was fairly mixed in comparison to some top band classes. Reflecting on it now, I can see the similarities in NHS AfC Banding and the ethnic make up of staff.
It was fairly obvious from the start that the three of us were different. We were the ones without embroidered Swans on our jumpers because our mothers had gone to the local high St and bartered with one of many Asian shop owners. There was an unspoken hierarchy even amongst Asians. At the top, you had middle class white girls, as we saw it, i.e. parents were teachers, accountants and they lived in Kings Health or Moseley which were a bit like Chingford or Wanstead. Then you had the Asian girls whose parents had done well, worked in an office (we thought that was quite posh at the time) and lived in nicer areas. These Asian girls fitted in well. They had short hair, their parents spoke English, their mums drove cars. If they were Muslim, many of the parents were not practising and they didn’t wear headscarves.
During class parties, when people chose music, I picked out some Indian songs to which even the Asian girls shouted ‘you’re embarrassing us, turn that off’. I quickly learnt that to be accepted you had to ‘look white’, ‘behave white’. Dad would often say ‘doesn’t matter how you dress, they will still see your colour’. That didn’t stop me buying DMs, listening to Sisters of Mercy whilst secretly playing soundtracks to ‘Dil’ and ‘Qayamat se Qayamat tak’. Despite that, many of us didn’t get invited to parties, we were not seen as cool enough. As a teenager, Bollywood was a reminder that Asian women could be attractive too and later ‘Goodness Gracious Me’ that we could be funny too.
By the time I got to college, I was back in a college that was more diverse but relatively segregated. I weaved between the white rockers’ group, the more traditional Asian groups and the alternative Asian group. Many Asian peers around me went through phases of dressing in western clothes, then adopting Asian styles. I noticed separation between Asian groups and having a name that was not obviously Indian sounding meant I was often asked which group I belonged to. Being one of the few south Asian goths, I was considered too ‘white’ on the inside and shunned by many Asian groups.
The late 90s saw a glimmer of hope, being Asian was finally cool and I could mix and match. I hung out in the Asian underground scene, wearing bindhis and bangles with my cyberdog trousers and Acupunctures, listening to Talvin Singh and Nitin Sawhney. However, leaving university and going back into the real world, I saw a need to adjust into a work environment where there were fewer people who looked like me. As ‘luck’ would have it, someone misspelt my surname, writing O’Dedra (with the apostrophy) and people assumed it was Irish or struggled to place it along with my first name. ‘Aha!’, I thought, and used the name for years. It helped me get to some interviews at least.
I first heard of South Asian Heritage Month (SAHM) last year. It was understandably a difficult time for many of us and as a South Asian, Indian woman, I had been feeling unseen and unheard. Even in discussion around racism last year, some of us felt pushed out. It didn’t help that some people, including south Asian themselves, minimised the impact that racism had on this ethnic group. So many factors can shape your experience of life in the UK including (but not limited to); socio-economic factors, parents, caste, disability and location. Often only islamophobia is noted as the main issue for south Asians. Data is often grouped together and doesn’t show the nuance of Indians for example. We understand the north south economic divide in UK, yet India is about 13 x bigger with many religions and languages. If we only see Indians as a ‘privileged group’ then we miss people who within these groups don’t fit the narrative and end up falling through the system.
If we are going to pick up inequalities, we need to educate ourselves about cultural differences and what we actually mean when we say ‘cultural competence’. I’m tired of hearing ‘but I read it in a book somewhere’ or ‘Rani got an arranged marriage so thought as you’re Indian….’ Now is your chance to learn and ask questions. I’d like to be able to start by offering colleagues the chance for a free ‘ask anything you want, no offence taken’ session. How else are we going to change the narrative and not have assumptions made?
Speaking to other south Asians, I found similar feelings, some rather despondent with ‘that’s just the way things are around here’. When I spoke with friends, they wanted challenges to be recognised but not to have their whole identity cut open and criticised.
Growing up, with two, sometimes three different generations in one house is a challenge. We have one foot in the old school traditions, translating for family, taking part in religious ceremonies and another in the world outside. Our shared cultures as south Asians means there is unity and power in numbers. With more mixed relationships there is a new generation of children who will need help to find themselves and where they fit.
Often society either focuses on the superficial such as clothes and food or on how restrictive the culture is. Yet there are so many nuances, I’ve been very lucky to have had the full range of experiences. I appreciate the rich culture and history I have whilst acknowledging the challenges too. I’m bilingual, can now navigate between different subcultures, wear a saree and be able to enjoy a diverse network including my white in laws.
Preparing for SAHM has shown that people do want to speak, there is interest and engagement. Organisations need to start thinking about how to better engage people. Many south Asians told me that they felt uncomfortable in larger groups especially females. They have it harder to get their voice across at times and that was both within their community and others. I will therefore be amplifying the voice of south Asian women in particular.
SAHM gives me an opportunity to to embrace my whole self and therefore, during this month, I am bringing my whole self in and am making no apologies for my identity as a British Indian woman. Though I didn’t marry into my caste, the female image of a Maherani has shaped me and makes me who I am today. It is even more important to me to ensure the next generation are taught about our rich history, culture and are able to feel part of a wider family that connects us. It’s time I faced my demons and the fear of the past. This SAHM, I will be going full Indian and I don’t care for any P words. I can’t help your lack of geography knowledge. Here’s a bit of history though, Pakistan was once a part of India — so you’d actually be more accurate if you just called all of us Indians, but I realise that may be too many letters for some.
I started with a local walk and plan on shopping and perhaps even a visit to the workplace in all my Indian-ness. Our stories matter, we matter.
I hope you’ll join in celebrating #SouthAsianHeritageMonth 2021 and share what it means to you.
